Thinking hard

Hello everyone,

I'm having mental breakdown ! I dont know what to do, actually these days i have many thing to think, to do, to solve, to finish and to CHOOSE ! yeah, and now im in trouble to choose.

Memilih, yeah iya sangat menyusahkan saya skrg. Biasanya, i know what i want, biasanya tak susah untuk buat keputusan sebab i know what exactly i like. Tapi, the situation now is different. As you must know or maybe you are new to my blog and may not know that i am final year student. So what every final year student should stress now, is our FYP and OUR INTERNSHIP !!!!

Yeah, saya sekarang tengah bercerita tentang hala tuju untuk Latihan Industri saya yang bakal bermula bulan Jun nanti ! Wei rasa macam cepatnya waktu berlalu. Saya tak ready, takut, berdebar, nervous hahahaa semua lah ! Saya tengah pening dekat mana saya nak buat internship/praktikal saya ! Awalnya saya fikir nak buat dekat dengan rumah jer, waktu tu otak saya fokus nak buat dekat HUSM, hospital tempat saya lahir but recently saya dpt tau biasanya yang buat intern dekat sana student biokimia. Maka, saya terpaksa kuburkan impian untuk berada dekat dengan rumah. Saya stress sangat haritu fikir bila dapat tau tentang tu. Sampai migrain. Ahh, saya memang kalau stress yang melampau dan banyak fikir saya akan terus kena migrain. hmm, waktu tu saya takleh fikir dah, so saya bagitau my mom sbb haritu saya dah yakin and dah bagitau dia saya nak buat dkat HUSM and my mom ofcourse setuju sangatlah. So saya bagitau ibu saya saya tak dapat nk buat dekat HUSM dan saya stress tak tahu nak pilih dekat mana. Saya nak pilih apa yang saya suka but at the same time saya taknak internship ni nanti menyusahkan parents saya. Saya taknak buat jauh jauh sebab thinking of my parents. Sedih rasa nak menyusahkan mak bapak, asyik kerja mintak duit.

Tapi ibu reply balik bagitau takpe, ikut jer saya nak pergi mana, she said that my dad and her will send me there, and will pick me up after finishing my 3 months internship. So ibu mintak hantar senarai tempat intern yang sesuai untuk student biomarine. Then, saya send slide yang pensyarah share. She said that dekat Kelantan takde tempat yang sesuai dgn jiwa saya. HAHAHAH she know i love working outside bukan kerja dalam pejabat.

Sebenarnya, for me lah saya nak intern di pulau. or area area pantai where i can be near to marine life and nature. Itu jiwa saya. Tapi i cant choose. Tak taulah kenapa. Stress ni nak fikir. And biasanya kelayakan tu banyak yg saya tak layak mcm lesen diving. Saya belum ada lesen diving tapi bercadang nak buat sem depan. I already talk about that to my parents since the cost is too much i think.

So semalam, saya bercadang untuk berhenti dulu fikir tentang ni. Saya nak sambung fikir dekat rumah. HAHAHHA saya akan balik lusa malam and im so excited !!!! So dekat rumah boleh bincang depan depan dengan my parents and i will feel more better like that ! Surround by my lovely siblings and parents ahhh i dont know how much i said this alreadyy but Ya Allah I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE MY FAMILY !!!! Pergi mana mana pun saya teringat dorang, nampak other kids main main, i think of my siblings. Ahhhh tak sabar nak balik !

I am the happiest when i am with them.

Extroverted introvert

Assalamualaikum,

Finally realize something in my whole life that i actually not so extrovert ! Actually aku ada terfikir tentang apa status social aku to my surrounding. I can socialize with people but also love my time alone.

I came across one article earlier and decide to write here. It is about Extroverted introvert. The writer wrote about some sign if you are extroverted introvert and yes all sign suit me ! ALL ! and im shock. Because many friends of mine think that im very good in socialize mybe because they always saw me as cheerful person with a lot of laugh and smile while i actually not. I may laugh and smile because im comfortable with my surrounding and might also be quiet because i feel lost in that moment.

I actually a person who love a time alone, yeah maybe now not so like being alone at night because im scared hahahhaha but i can really be myself whenever im alone. Its not like i always need time alone but whenever i feel exhausted from people, whenever i feel that i already given enough enery for that day then i will shut myself up stay at the back and just keep silently watching other around me.

Many people know that i love watching drama alone. Thats why i do when im alone, it is like silently observing and can having fun on my own. I also love reading since i love everything with story inside. I would like to knoe why and always have curiousity alone but never try to ask other.

I may look bad to others as if im judging them in my mind but no im not. If i dont like you and dont know you i will never realize and care anything about you, but first of all never insult what i like. I can accept anything and try to forgive but not if you insult whatever i like and love.

I also dont usually too open to others. I mean i never talk too much about myself to others more than what i write on my blog. I feel more comfortable to write it here rather than talking. I dont know whether anyone i know will read this but this is what i prefer.

I am not a good person, i have many negative side of me. but i know im human i can have that side and know i can easily make mistake. I have people i dont feel comfortable with but i try to act well with them. Although you guys may think that i look hypocrites because of this but for me, i am mature enough not to let my feeling interfered my daily life. I have many bad habit that i always do maybe because i feel used to.

but whatever it is, i will try my best not to disturb others,i try my best not to make everything hard for people around me, i will ty not to be a nuisance to others life. If i can do it myself then i will do it without asking for others help.

I have habit not too be a nuisance to my parents. I cant help not to ask for their help if its not too stressful. I cant bear to ask for money everytime i really need. I have many siblings under me so that is maybe why i selalu say takpe, itsokay, aku okay jer. Aku selalu mengalah in many situation because im used to.  So here i want to say that, guys, even if i look weak, look always mengalah to others but please, jangan sesuka hati nak mengarah dan mengatur hidup aku. I really hate that !!! Seriously ! Aku paling tak suka bila dibebel, dimarah. Even dekat rumah pun mcmtu. I can do many things on my own but if they told me to do so, scold me to do so i always rebel. Please dont force me to do something. Please... i cant help but really get frustrated because of that

Maybe that is why i can categorize myself as Extroverted introvert, because i actually can get tired easily with people. I dont like them to interfered and try to control too much in my own fucking life. I can socialize having fum with people, listen to them, share to them but in the end of the day,i need to get a rest, alone without anyone trying to disturb me. I hope that in the future i will not feel pressured to please and care of  everyone feelings in the first place, afterall in the end of the day, only i care on my own feeling.

Not an usual semester break

Hola !

This is actually my first post for 2019 ! 

Asha here, seeking time and leisure to write in my beloved blog ! Its 29 January, Tuesday 2019, im still here in my university, UMT. but fyi now is semester break for degree student. I have done my semester 5 and finish my final exam on 17th January. but why im still here ? in UMT rather than have a relax sweet time at home.

I blame myself for that hahahaha, Im quite pack this semester break to get ready for my last final semester before i graduate. Busy with my final year project (lab analysis), my club programme and also busy preparing for next semester big event. So, terpaksa lah sis yg selalu homesick ini berkampung di Terengganu even in semester break.

Biasanya, sebut cuti jer, confirm aku balik rumah. Tak menyempat ! Habis jer final pukul 12/1 then pukul 3 ptg biasanya aku dah naik bas, pukul 6 biasanya dh sampai Kota Bharu. Aku mmg dikenali sebagai manusia yang sangat suka balik and sangat sayang rumah, rareky to see me spend time in Terengganu during holiday tapi sekarang, im still here.

Oh, but its okay, i already bought my bus ticket. Im going home maybe for a week before come back again here. Saya akan balik Jumaat ni to spend Chinese New Year holiday with my family and hometown friends. I miss them !

Oh, actually saya baru jer balik dari KL, few days ago. Program kelab to have delegation with other universities at zon tengah semenanjung Malaysia. we visit 4 university. 3 private uni and 1 universiti awam. Balik jer dari Kl, saya demam and dpt sore throat yg agak teruk with addition of ulcer/ulser (i cant remember the exact spelling) dekat my throat. Sakit, susah nak minum, and ofcourse cant eat. I spend 2 whole days laying on bed sleeping, and on the first day i cant even eat anything nor drink something. I actually have many plans to do on those two days but i cant. My kelab penasihat siap call apa semua but i dont have any energy to do work. My pengarah program call and whatsapp asking when i will conduct my meeting with my team but im really sorry to tell that i cant do that stuff for now. Im very tired physical and mental hahahaha.

UKM (Bandar Baru Bangi)

Sunway University (Sunway City)

MMU University (Cyberjaya)

UniKL MIAT (Sepang)

Ah, but now im okay, even i still have a little bit ulcer/ulser there but still i can and drink already. Sunday, i already have energy to do my work. I already start my lab analysis and will try to finish it before Friday ~ (Friday is the day i will go home !)

I will go to KL for two more activities. One is for event sponsorship (i'm the sponsorship director for cesf19) and another one is for career fair. Im in charge to bring rombongan UMT to the Mega Career and Study Fair (MCASF 2019) at KLCC. Heol im that busy and yeah ofcourse gonna prepare for my final year project progress presentation that gonna will be organize on the first week of new semester. Hope everything went well.

Sekarang ada satu lagi keserabutan di kepala which is kena cari tempat internship ! Saya tak jumpa lagi tempat untuk buat latihan industri and saya tak dapat buat my internship dekat kelantan since takde tempat yg suit me well. Habislah, the penyelaras for intership already said that by MARCH we all should already have place to do so ! Sakit kepala nak fikir aduhai.

and here a few pics from my laboratoy work.

Analytical balance ~

My working space

Bunch of egg crab from one sample.

Egg crab under dissecting microscope

I think thats all from me today, i will write again later when i have time. For sure its gonna be after i have relaxing time at home. Excited because im gonna meet my family and will have sweet time meeting my hometown friends ! I miss them all !

Ahh, and i'm also want to share few pics of my first ever visit to Putrajaya hahahaha. Its my first time there. So, this post gonna end with my picture. Till then, bye :))