Extroverted introvert

Assalamualaikum,

Finally realize something in my whole life that i actually not so extrovert ! Actually aku ada terfikir tentang apa status social aku to my surrounding. I can socialize with people but also love my time alone.

I came across one article earlier and decide to write here. It is about Extroverted introvert. The writer wrote about some sign if you are extroverted introvert and yes all sign suit me ! ALL ! and im shock. Because many friends of mine think that im very good in socialize mybe because they always saw me as cheerful person with a lot of laugh and smile while i actually not. I may laugh and smile because im comfortable with my surrounding and might also be quiet because i feel lost in that moment.

I actually a person who love a time alone, yeah maybe now not so like being alone at night because im scared hahahhaha but i can really be myself whenever im alone. Its not like i always need time alone but whenever i feel exhausted from people, whenever i feel that i already given enough enery for that day then i will shut myself up stay at the back and just keep silently watching other around me.

Many people know that i love watching drama alone. Thats why i do when im alone, it is like silently observing and can having fun on my own. I also love reading since i love everything with story inside. I would like to knoe why and always have curiousity alone but never try to ask other.

I may look bad to others as if im judging them in my mind but no im not. If i dont like you and dont know you i will never realize and care anything about you, but first of all never insult what i like. I can accept anything and try to forgive but not if you insult whatever i like and love.

I also dont usually too open to others. I mean i never talk too much about myself to others more than what i write on my blog. I feel more comfortable to write it here rather than talking. I dont know whether anyone i know will read this but this is what i prefer.

I am not a good person, i have many negative side of me. but i know im human i can have that side and know i can easily make mistake. I have people i dont feel comfortable with but i try to act well with them. Although you guys may think that i look hypocrites because of this but for me, i am mature enough not to let my feeling interfered my daily life. I have many bad habit that i always do maybe because i feel used to.

but whatever it is, i will try my best not to disturb others,i try my best not to make everything hard for people around me, i will ty not to be a nuisance to others life. If i can do it myself then i will do it without asking for others help.

I have habit not too be a nuisance to my parents. I cant help not to ask for their help if its not too stressful. I cant bear to ask for money everytime i really need. I have many siblings under me so that is maybe why i selalu say takpe, itsokay, aku okay jer. Aku selalu mengalah in many situation because im used to.  So here i want to say that, guys, even if i look weak, look always mengalah to others but please, jangan sesuka hati nak mengarah dan mengatur hidup aku. I really hate that !!! Seriously ! Aku paling tak suka bila dibebel, dimarah. Even dekat rumah pun mcmtu. I can do many things on my own but if they told me to do so, scold me to do so i always rebel. Please dont force me to do something. Please... i cant help but really get frustrated because of that

Maybe that is why i can categorize myself as Extroverted introvert, because i actually can get tired easily with people. I dont like them to interfered and try to control too much in my own fucking life. I can socialize having fum with people, listen to them, share to them but in the end of the day,i need to get a rest, alone without anyone trying to disturb me. I hope that in the future i will not feel pressured to please and care of  everyone feelings in the first place, afterall in the end of the day, only i care on my own feeling.